Entering ChinaEvery moment, when you see a child, you also see yourself; when you educate a child, you are also educating yourself.
Every child has temper tantrums sometimes, but no child is born violent, and no child is born a devil.
If your child has a bad temper, it is probably because there is something wrong with your emotional education.
Therefore, when your child loses his temper, your first response, especially your first words, is extremely important.
It’s not scary when a child loses his temper, but it’s scary when you stop him forcibly
Many parents have a natural aversion to crying and screaming. Perhaps because the noise is too noisy, or perhaps it evokes their own insecurity, they will try their best to stop their children from losing their temper.
Even for adults, when they encounter something unpleasant, emotions come first, followed by reason.
This is especially true for children. However, because children under the age of 6 have immature brains, they are simply unable to control their emotions.
However, this does not mean that this emotion is an obstacle to our harmonious relationship with our children.
Positive emotions such as joy and happiness can strengthen children’s cognition and pursuit of beautiful things. Anger and sadness can also help children establish self-awareness and learn to face reality.
If children are not allowed to express their emotions and are always in a state of repression, over time they may develop various psychological problems such as anxiety, depression, and loneliness, which in turn affect their health.
When children lose their temper, they must remember that temper itself is not scary. What is scary is our attitude of treating bad temper as a disaster.
Only by letting go of prejudices and patiently accompanying children through their bad tempers can we help them learn to coexist with their emotions and grow in the sunshine.
Many parents actually don’t know that children will not lose their temper for no reason. Every time they lose their temper, they are expressing their demands.
It may seem like the child is having a tantrum, but in fact it is just their way of expressing that they need their parents’ company.
Psychologist John Bowlby once proposed an “attachment theory” – children have a strong need for intimacy.
If they feel that their parents are not paying enough attention to them, they may try to gain their parents’ love by throwing tantrums, which is an instinctive behavior of seeking help.
Therefore, when your child loses his temper, please replace your impatience with compassion and your misunderstanding with help.
Every child who throws a tantrum is not being bad-tempered or unreasonable, but is seeking more sense of security.
Since children will not lose their temper for no reason and their temper is not a big deal, then how should we deal with this storm?
When a child throws a tantrum, the best thing to do is to accept the emotion and provide a sense of security: “I know, I understand.”
This may sound incredible to many people, but in fact, this is the power of acceptance and empathy.
A simple “I know” or “I understand” is far better than thousands of words of truth and methodology.
Only when the child is recognized and his emotions are addressed and relieved, will he be able to engage in “rational thinking” afterwards.
In addition, we can let children learn to express their emotions. Such emotional cultivation should not only focus on daily life, but also intervene in time after children lose their temper to help them quickly get out of emotional misunderstandings.
After the children have calmed down, guide them to recognize their feelings and express their emotions.
You can also set up an “emotion sharing time” at home. When the time comes, parents can take the lead in sharing what happened during the day and the corresponding emotional experiences.
Next, guide your child to talk about what happened that day and their corresponding feelings, so that they understand that expressing emotions is normal and encouraged.
Finally, we also need to teach our children how to lose their temper correctly.
Many times, children lose their temper simply because they have not developed the awareness to reflect on their emotions and do not realize that such behavior is inappropriate.
And every time you lose your temper, it is the best opportunity to develop emotional reflection awareness.
In this process, what we need to do is to be more patient and listen, and then wait for the flowers to bloom.
I really like this statement by Suhomlinsky: Every moment when you see a child, you also see yourself; when you educate a child, you are also educating yourself.
As my children grow up, I increasingly feel that raising them is actually raising myself again.
When parents’ emotions are stable, children’s emotions will naturally be stable as well.
Behind every child who does not lose his temper, there must be a pair of parents who unconditionally accept his emotions and guide him to express and reflect on his emotions.
To raise a child, you must first raise yourself. Please show more patience and love, do not vent your anger on others, do not force things, and ensure that every time the child expresses emotion, they will be accepted and tolerated, guided and educated.
Only in this way can we help children smoothly overcome setbacks and hardships and live a good life.
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