Entering ChinaAt 7 o’clock in the morning, my daughter suddenly threw away her schoolbag and cried out: “Mom, I don’t want to go to school!” “My scalp was tingling in an instant – I was fine yesterday, but what is going on today?
At this time, many mothers will blurt out:
❌ “No! Must go! (The child is more rebellious)
❌ “Don’t make a fuss, mom is going to be late for work! (ignoring emotions)
❌ “You go to school obediently, take you to the playground on weekends” (bury the hidden danger of bargaining)
Last week, the neighbor’s child refused to enter the school gate, and the mother said in a hurry: “I don’t want you anymore!” As a result, the child woke up in the middle of the night and cried for a whole week.
Later, I learned that the child was ridiculed by his classmates for peeing his pants, but he no longer dared to tell the truth to his mother.
Hidden reasons why children don’t want to go to school
In the children’s psychology clinic, Xiaoyu, an 8-year-old boy, kept his head down and remained silent.
Professor Lin handed him an orange: “Come, help the teacher peel it.” ”
The boy suddenly pinched the orange violently, and the juice splashed: “It’s like how I go to school every day!” ”
Later, I learned that Xiaoyu’s “fear of going to school” stemmed from three things:
The new head teacher always criticized him in public for his slow writingMocking “fat pig” after being deliberately tripped by a classmate in physical education classParents keep saying at home, “If you don’t study hard, you will only be able to pick up garbage in the future”
Many studies have pointed to the existence of “emotional asphyxia syndrome” behind school refusal – when emotions such as anxiety, shame, and fear exceed the child’s tolerance threshold, the body automatically triggers an escape response and collapses like a pinched orange.
In addition to emotional problems, when the learning content exceeds the child’s ability level by more than 20%, it can lead to “learned helplessness”.
Children don’t want to go to school because they can’t keep up with their studies.
According to a special survey by China Youth Daily, 63.7% of teenagers who have experienced cold violence on campus admit that those seemingly inadvertent alienation and indifference are like invisible blades carving unfading scars in the memories of youth.
This kind of injury quietly erodes the spiritual world of young people like a chronic toxin.”The child is like a little sapling, he resists going to school because he is saying, ‘My roots hurt’.”
When we are busy pruning the branches and leaves, it is even more important to squat down to see if the soil is compacted and the roots are deprived of oxygen.
It’s more important to do this first than to rush out the door
Stop tying your shoelaces and crouch down to look into the child’s eyes
1️⃣ First sentence: “Mom used to do this when she was a child”
(hugging the trembling little body)
“You know what? When my mother was in the third grade, she couldn’t memorize the texts, so she pretended to have a stomachache and skipped school, but after your grandmother found out…”
Effect: The child’s tears suddenly stop and he looks up curiously
2️⃣ Second sentence: “Let’s play a detective game”
Took out his mobile phone and pretended to be a walkie-talkie: “Call the little detective!” Please investigate what will appear in the school today: A. Mysterious new recipe B. Classmates who can tell jokes C. Teacher’s new skirt color”
Effect: The daughter laughed out loud and took the initiative to carry her school bag
3️⃣ Third sentence: “Let’s go together after school…”
“On the way out of school today, we bought your favorite glutinous rice dumplings, do you think the boss will wear a blue or red apron?” ”
Effect: The child’s attention shifts to what to expect
Do you still remember Tian Yulan in “Little Shede”? She is an all-round chicken baby, and the child’s pi can be carried up to 1000!
Until one day, the child spoke in the class and burst into tears on the podium and said bluntly: “Mom loves not me, but me who has a full score in the test”
In fact, many times, we only use our own cognition to understand children one-sidedly.
Education is like cooking porridge, it is easy to paste the pot when the fire is fast, and rice oil is only produced when it is boiled slowly on low heat.
Xiaozhi is now in the sixth grade, and once he failed the exam in the second month, he hid in the quilt and played a flashlight to review, and said to me with two black circles under his eyes in the morning: “Mom, I can do it myself this time.” ”
So, the next time you hear that “I don’t want to go to school”, don’t rush your blood pressure to soar.
Turn off the fire, put the omelette aside, squatted down and looked into his eyes: “Come, tell Mom, what kind of monster is stopping us from learning today?” ”
First be a first aid for your child’s emotions (accepting feelings→), then be a detective of the problem (analyze the causes→ and finally become a scaffolding for growth (providing support).
It’s like treating a wound, stopping the bleeding and preventing infection (emotional comfort), then checking the injury (locating the problem), and finally developing a rehabilitation plan (step-by-step solution).
Remember, a temporary absence from school is not a flood of predators, but a signal that your child is in need.
