Getting your wife back after divorce is a challenging but not impossible task that requires deep reflection, sincere action and sustained effort. Here are some tips on self-reflection, effective communication, rebuilding trust, and creating opportunities to get along:
Deep self-reflection: think about the root causes of divorce, reflect on their own shortcomings in the marriage. For example, whether he neglected to care for her because of his busy work, whether he was too strong in communication and so on. Only with a clear understanding of the problem can we make targeted changes.
Apologize: Find the right time to have a deep and sincere conversation with her. Calmly express your understanding of past mistakes, sincerely apologize to her, and let her feel your determination to change. For example: “I have been reflecting on myself deeply recently. I know that I always ignored your feelings because of my bad temper and made you suffer a lot. I really regret it.” Take care not to blame the other person when communicating, but to focus on your own problems.
Keep making changes: Put promised changes into action, and be patient and persistent. For example, if you realize that you spend too little time with your family, then arrange your work rationally to spend more time with your child and her. If you’ve been lazy before, volunteer to take on chores. Let her see the changes in you through small daily actions.
Rebuild trust: Once trust is broken, it is not easy to rebuild it. Be consistent with your words and deeds, promise her things must be done, and gradually restore her trust in you. For example, if you promise to accompany your child to an activity once a week, be sure to fulfill it on time. Avoid behaviors that let her down or create distrust.
Give each other space: Although you want to recover, don’t put too much pressure on her, respect her wishes and personal space. Let her have enough time and space to think about your relationship without frequent entanglement, or it may backfire and antagonize her. For example, you can occasionally send messages to care, but do not ask whether you can get back together every day.
Try an emotional connection: Be moderately interested in her life, but be careful not to appear too deliberate. Start with something small, like reminding her to add or lose clothes when the weather changes, sending a nice greeting or medicine when she’s sick. On special days, such as her birthday, anniversary, etc., carefully prepare a gift to evoke her good memories. The gift doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should be thoughtful, such as an album of your past photos and memories.
Create opportunities to get along: you can use common friends to organize some party activities, or take the child as a bond, and arrange family activities reasonably, such as accompanying the child to the park, participating in school activities, etc., in the process of getting along, show your changes and re-enhance each other’s understanding. But be careful not to make her feel that this is a deliberate arrangement and produce resistance.
To recover the ex-wife after divorce, you need to avoid common mistakes, the following three aspects of communication, personal status adjustment, and rhythm control, to provide you with relevant advice:
Communication mode
Avoid excessive entanglement: after divorce, the other party needs space to calm emotions and think about the future, if you constantly call, send messages, or even block in your residence or work, it will make the other party feel pressure, see you as a burden, cause disgust, and push it further and further away. For example, frequently send more than a dozen messages in a day, or go to the other party’s unit many times, which will cause trouble to the other party. Moderate contact should be maintained, such as sending a short greeting message every few days, and then increasing the frequency of communication when the other party responds well.
No verbal accusations: When recovering a conversation, accusing the other person is a big no-no. Complaining that “it’s all your fault that caused the divorce” will intensify the conflict, trigger the other person’s defense, and make communication impossible. To understand that the recovery needs to solve the problem, we should find reasons for ourselves, such as saying, “I have reflected on the problem of communication before, I did not understand your feelings”, and explore the marriage problem with a peaceful attitude.
Avoid false promises: making promises that cannot be fulfilled in order to recover, such as “I will do all the housework in the future”, but the actual action can not keep up, will make the other party feel that you lack sincerity and reduce trust. Consider what you can do before you make a commitment. Once you make a commitment, carry it out firmly and prove your determination with your actions.
Personal status adjustment
Don’t be overly negative: after divorce, excessive sadness, self-pity, and passing negative emotions to the other party, such as always saying “I have nothing now, I can’t live without you”, will cause psychological burden to the other party, and think that you lack the ability to face life independently, which is not conducive to recovery. Show a positive attitude, such as sharing the results of fitness, learning new skills, let the other person see you have changed and grown.
Overcome the psychology of eagerness: recovery is a gradual process, and it is unrealistic to expect the other party to change their mind in a short time. If you have just made a change, asking the other party to respond immediately and restore the relationship will put pressure on the other party and disrupt the recovery rhythm. Be patient and persistent, and keep working to repair the relationship gradually.
Control the pace of getting along
Don’t push the relationship: get along as a couple directly after divorce, if you make decisions for them without consulting the other party, it will make the other party uncomfortable and feel that the boundary has been violated. We should start from friends, re-establish the emotional foundation, respect each other’s wishes and boundaries, and try to further develop the relationship when it is relaxed and heated up.
Do not ignore the influence of relatives and friends: Ignoring the attitude of relatives and friends is a common mistake. Relatives and friends of the other party may play an important role in their decision-making, if they do not get along well before, they should take the initiative to improve the relationship when recovering, such as sending small gifts to express their heart and win good feelings during the New Year holidays, to help save.