Entering ChinaTeacher Yu Hua said: “In low-level families, most of people’s minds are strong, and there are double barriers in communication, and they often make trouble because of one sentence.
Unable to communicate calmly, except for sarcasm, it is sarcasm, because they are too aware of each other’s weaknesses and pain points, and their language is harsh. ”Those who have experienced “repressive intimacy” know that this influence will stay with us for the rest of our lives.
There is a good saying that the lucky people are healed by their childhood all their lives, and the unfortunate people are healed by their childhood all their lives.
The Fugui family in “Alive” is wrapped in layers of life’s tribulations. In those difficult years, in addition to the heavy blow of fate shared by the family, conflicts and injuries in verbal communication were also frequently staged.
Once, Jiazhen happily said to Fugui: “Fugui, I have mended all the old clothes at home today so that I can wear them for my children for a while.” Fugui replied angrily: “What to make up, it’s like a bunch of patches, can you wear it out to see people?” You can’t do anything useful. “Jia Zhen originally wanted to contribute to the family, but was defeated by Lai Fugui, which is a typical ‘repressed intimate relationship’.”
Relatives should support each other and comfort each other, but the reality is that they often inadvertently stab each other with words because of their stubbornness.
This kind of “toughness” has become a stumbling block to family communication, making family members fall into the whirlpool of “suppressive intimacy”. Everyone sticks to their own ideas, and is unwilling to empathize and listen to others, which blocks the communication channel and makes it difficult to transmit emotions normally.
The same is true of Xu Sanguan’s family in “Xu Sanguan Selling Blood”. Xu Sanguan sold blood for his family again and again, and was under tremendous pressure physically and mentally. Once, Xu Yulan carefully cooked a meal, and said to Xu Sanguan a little proudly: “Look, how is this meal today, it took me a lot of thought!” Xu Sanguan frowned and said disdainfully: “I see, this dish is so salty, why is the cooking skill getting worse and worse, and you still spend your thoughts, where is the cost?” Xu Yulan’s full expectation was extinguished in an instant, and her heart was full of grievances.
This is not just a simple verbal conflict, but also a manifestation of “repressed sexual intimacy”. Every time there is an injury, it cuts the wounds that are difficult to heal in the family relationship, destroys the warmth and harmony of the family, makes the love suppressed, and the hearts of the members gradually drift apart. “Repressed intimacy” is harmful in the family. It is like a chronic poison that slowly erodes family relationships.
In this environment, the family has been in a tense and oppressive atmosphere and cannot relax. Children may become inferior, introverted, and doubt their own worth; Resentment may accumulate between partners, and the relationship will gradually break down; Elders also spend their old age in disappointment and helplessness.
The key to breaking the “oppressive intimacy” is to change the way we communicate. We must learn to let go of our “strong” anger and listen attentively.
Listening is the key to opening the door to communication, and listening carefully to your family’s thoughts and feelings is the only way to understand where they stand. Everyone in the family has stress and troubles, and if you give patience and a chance to talk, many conflicts can be resolved.
It’s also important to change the way you speak. The power of words is enormous, warm words can melt ice and snow, and harsh words can only bring harm. When communicating with your family, avoid sarcasm and express your opinion in a calm, caring tone. When expressing dissatisfaction, first affirm the good in the other person, and then make sincere suggestions, which is easier for the family to accept.
In addition, it is necessary to know how to be respectful and inclusive. Every family member is an individual with different personalities, hobbies, and values. Respect for differences and tolerance of deficiencies are the cornerstones of good family relationships. Yu Hua’s work confronts the cruelty of life and offers opportunities to improve family relationships.
Only by breaking the “oppressive intimate relationship”, abandoning the bad way of communication, and communicating in the way of love and understanding, can we rebuild the warmth of the family and make the home a real spiritual harbor. If you still don’t know what to do, start the new year by talking well!
